#1 Deal Breaking Way We Handle Arguments

Whether we've dated or not, we all have been in relationships. From family, to friends, to neighbors, even temporary relationships like that one guy you punched in the face at the bar last night for looking at you wrong, point is tough-guy: we are born into relationship. The very existence of others around us forces us to interact, communicate, and share messages.

Aww...for now!

That would be a nice fairy tale ending to an otherwise inspired existentialist hipster out there, except for the fact that those messages often end up in big, loud (or not depending on the type), pain in the ass arguments that can tear, rip apart, and even drive away the other person. These deal breakers might sound familiar but the importance is in the action towards breaking them before they break your relationships. Without further a do, here some common mistakes we all make in arguments that can drive the conversation one way or another. They also happen to be things that are easy(ier) to change.
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LDB #1 Raising Our Voices

Growing up I was never given much of an opinion in my family. My status as a child prohibited me, in my parents eyes, from holding any valuable information towards how I felt and why. As a result, I often find myself yelling my opinions out to people when I'm arguing with them. Sometimes, to the point where they would stop talking and pitifully stare at me.

Pitiful ain't it!

Whether you're passive aggressive or assertive-aggressive (like me), you'll find yourself at any heated argument either raising your voice or passively taking everything that's thrown at you. Either way, by raising your voice you create more traffic without taking care of the accident. Raising our voices aids in avoiding the two questions that every argument raises: Can I fix this problem? If so, how to go about it? The answer to the first will almost always be yes. How? You ask, well the answer is simple, cater to the other's need. For example, let's say you're the guy and you're girlfriend is going on and on about how you never send her flowers, give her enough attention, or watch too much sports. You yell back, "I can't believe you're so clingy!". Instead of yelling the first thing that comes to mind (which men have informed is a struggle) generally ask yourself, what is she or he trying to get at here? 

The answer will always vary from person to person, but the answer will likely not be sending her flowers the next day, staring at her for an hour, or watching Gossip Girl with her (although that might work!) The answer lies in what she's trying to communicate but doesn't know how. She may be feeling insecure because you seem distracted lately or she wants to feel like she matters to you with action. Let me clarify, I am not saying that men should be able to read women's mind or vise-versa. Or even that a daughter should be able to "just know" what her mother/father wants. The point is that figuring out how to fix the problem that the other is not only about accomplishing a to-do list of not-to-dos but may also be about just being present, patient, or more attentive. The answer could be as hard as family therapy but as simple as showing the other that you are there to love them enough to understand what they need. Experiencing this kind of yelling (which I frequently have) results in a deal maker (compromise) rather than a deal breaker!